Starting from Scratch: Maternity Leave is Over




Every now and again, you become aware of changes. Most changes happen without you really noticing. But there are a few that come around and you are so aware of them. Almost as if you see the inner workings and behind the scenes of life itself, a peek through the curtain that gives you a glimpse of what the next scene is going to be. That is how I have been feeling this week.


Change is definitely afoot! My maternity leave has come to a close and I had a little panic (more like full on breath taking panic attack) when it hit me that the business I relied on pre motherhood has all but died, meaning that I am going to have to start my career back up from scratch, going back into a salon to work as a senior stylist. So many emotions came up from this fact.




Ridiculous. Why do I feel guilty?! It’s not as if I have spent almost the past year sunning myself on the Riviera drinking mai tais?! It may be even more than that as I only returned back to work for six months between having Teddy and expecting George. I have been growing humans, birthing humans and then raising humans. One hell of a tough ‘job’ that receives no pay, no sick leave and no holiday time. But I feel guilty to myself for letting my business shrivel up. So many others manage to hold on to theirs in my position, why didn’t I manage it?


Don’t worry, that is a rhetorical question that requires no answer. I know the answer. It is simply that sometimes things don’t work out for some as it does for others. And drawing comparisons is completely useless and liable to make one go crazy with self loathing.


I also feel guilty for the fact I shall have to leave my babies in order to go and work to feed them. Of course, that is life and I’m sure they shall be none the wiser. I am just doing that infuriating thing mothers do: putting myself under unnecessary pressure. They will be fine. I will be fine.




Have I forgotten how to do my job? After the majority of two years spent eating cookies and watching the joys that are Mr Tumble and Peppa Pig, has my brain shrivelled up alongside my client list and I worry: what if I have forgotten how to ‘create’? Have my hairdressing skills left me? Or is it like when you get on a bike for the first time in years, where you wobble a bit at first and then find yourself soaring along thinking ‘I remember how to do this!’? I shall soon find out, but deep down I know I can still create good hair and that the skills have never left me. They’re waiting for me. Like an old friend.




I am so excited to be having a fresh start! I find myself dwelling on the above and then have a word with myself and tell it to get with the programme and bloody well live a little! How lucky am I to have a trade?! A skill that shall never leave me, that can be built upon and worked with in so many ways and vocations. The idea of working with new people and having some structure to the day that doesn’t involve having to time in naps and snacks. To be able to pee in peace! To be able to have adult conversation and let go a little bit. Being Mummy is full time, 24/7 high on alert. Working shall be a holiday! I shall skip out of the door and enjoy not being laden down with a nappy bag. I shall wear clothing that is fashionable and stain free. And makeup! I will be wearing makeup again! I cannot tell you how thrilled that makes me.


Of course I am probably being completely over optimistic and far reaching with my levels of expectation. But, hey, a girl can dream can’t she?




I’m facing what every other working mum has to face. I shall be spending less time at home than we are all used to and it is the end of an era. I’ve struggled with being at home at times, I’ll admit it. On the long days where I have felt alone and bored, I fantasised about this moment of being back at work and feeling a bit more like the old me. Gaining back independence. Gaining back my sense of self besides Being Mummy. But there have been some lovely days, where myself and the boys have had adventures or lazed about at home baking and watching telly. I shall miss their giggles and snuggles when I am away from them. But I keep focussing on how good it will feel to come home to them. They always give me the best welcome and they are what both myself and PB strive to succeed for.




I do resent needing to work. I want to work. But need is very different from want. I haven’t been an employee as such for almost a decade either. That is going to take some getting used to. I’m getting used to the fact there are certain stipulations, such as set lunch breaks and clocking in and off times. I’m also finding it hard to accept the fact I am going to have to stop breastfeeding sooner than I would have liked to. I can express in my lunch hour and take it home but one hardly wants to spend their lunch break attached to a machine that, quite literally, moos.  I tried it during my trial day and managed to leave the bloody milk behind in the staff fridge. Way to make a good impression eh?! Nope, the boobs shall be retiring as I return to employment. Somebody has to tell George but something tells me he’ll be just fine about it. He’s quite happy with a bottle of formula now. I shall miss the closeness though. Might have to write a post about how to stop and when to stop and how it feels… all that sort of jazz. Shall takes notes on my findings!




I’m tired. Tired to the bone already. The thought of having to be somewhere at a set time, come rain or shine, regardless of if I have had any sleep or whatever may or may not be happening in my personal life. Well, it just leaves me a bit flippy in the tummy. Will I cope not sleeping very well and then potentially have to go and stand on my feet styling hair for 9 hours? I shall simply have to, is the answer to that one. Mothers and fathers have to get to their work and muddle through a long day regardless of what type of sleep they got the night before. It’s called responsibility. Lack of sleep is one thing, but getting sick is my main uh oh scenario. I am useless when I have a cold. I have always admired people who have soldiered on to work when sick because I am so bad at motivating myself to do so. Secretly I think it’s silly to put pressure on people to work when sick as they are hardly at their most productive and then end up spreading it around to everyone else. But then, it’s that thing called responsibility again isn’t it? Needs must!




I have gone through so much in the past 2 years. I’ve grown and birthed our two baby boys. We have moved house. I have worked and then gone on maternity leave twice and sacrificed my business to be at home and care for our sons. They are healthy and happy. I have fought perinatal and post natal depression along with post traumatic stress disorder. I have learnt a lot about myself and the way the world works. I have studied and gained a teaching qualification and a makeup artistry qualification. And I am coming out the other side of my second round of maternity leave and landed a new job within 1 week. I’m always busy focussing on the task in hand and looking ahead to where I want to get to. I’ve just taken the time to reflect on my achievements thus far in my journey through motherhood and am fairly shocked at what is there! And then of course there’s this blog. Me, Being Mummy. The cathartic, creative, beautiful little bolthole that I have carved out to document it all. I’m proud.


And just a tad overwhelmed.



The Mummy Bubble

Motherhood The Real Deal


  1. Nick
    November 22, 2017 / 6:29 pm

    You’ll be all right Lucy, look at it as another stage in life’s journey. X

    • mebeingmummy
      January 26, 2018 / 10:48 pm

      Exactly! Embracing it, every step of the way! Xxx

  2. Angela Brown
    November 22, 2017 / 6:37 pm

    Good luck with the job. Part time or full time?

  3. November 23, 2017 / 9:11 am

    This is a great read and I’m sure every mum has felt these emotions at some point for sure xx

  4. November 23, 2017 / 2:09 pm

    Oh my word. I am not surprised you are a tad overwhelmed hon because this has to be one of the most overwhelming things in motherhood, apart from becoming a mum that it is! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely may be the back to work force be with you xoxo

  5. November 23, 2017 / 3:54 pm

    The guilt is a killer but with time you grow in confidence X #coolmumclub

  6. November 24, 2017 / 6:59 pm

    Going back to work is scary. The teaching qualification is great, well done.

  7. The Mummy Bubble
    November 26, 2017 / 10:21 pm

    Oh I can do totally relate to everything you’re feeling. I’m back at work in January and I’m feeling so guilty, sad, dreading it and overwhelmed by it all. I’m going to miss spending extra time with my children so very much. It’s really hard but I’m sure time will help me, and you, get used to this new chapter. Plus we still have evenings and weekends with our beautiful kids. #fortheloveofBLOG

    • mebeingmummy
      January 26, 2018 / 11:05 pm

      Bless you, it’s all about transition and adjustment isn’t it? I’ll be rooting for you! There are definitely perks… I’ve been enjoying being able to eat my lunch in peace and have loo breaks without an audience Haha! Xxx

  8. November 27, 2017 / 7:19 am

    You should be proud! You’ve achieved so much. Guilt was the hardest one for me. I went back to work a lot earlier than all of the mum friends I had made whilst on maternity leave. I felt them judging me (maybe they weren’t) because they were dreading going back and I couldn’t wait to get back to work and start to feel like me again. So I felt the worst mum guilt I’ve ever felt. Was I an awful parent for wanting to do something for me? But I’m lucky in that I only have to work part-time now so I’m truly getting the best of both worlds. #honeybeelinky

    • mebeingmummy
      January 26, 2018 / 11:08 pm

      They were probably jealous that you were going to be gaining back a bit of indepence if anything else lovely. Plus we tend to project what we are feeling onto how others feel about us so I hope you’ve cut yourself some slack now! SAHM’s have my admiration as do working mums. There are pros and cons to every situation but the main thing is that we all have our family’s best interests at heart. I work part time too and it really is a nice balance isn’t it? Xxx

  9. November 27, 2017 / 7:33 am

    Can relate to so much of this it is wuite the experience returning to work. I had to go back after 8 months with both children and in hindsight realise it wasnt long enough. Id do aything to go back and enjoy more baby cuddles. But yeah i do enjoy working so know its the rigt chocie now butbits so unfair having to make what feels like huge sacrifices – if only there was a way to have it all!! Good luck on your return mumma! #HoneyBeeLinky

  10. November 27, 2017 / 8:07 am

    I loved this post – it’s brilliant. Clearly written from the heart and a great comfort to any other mother heading back to work. xx #HoneybeeLinky

  11. November 27, 2017 / 9:09 am

    I think this is a fab post and that you’ve summed up every emotion so well. I’ve still got 6 months of maternity leave left, but I can completely understand every one of these feelings and empathise with why you’re feeling this way. Enjoy the time to yourself when you’re working and the hot cup of tea! And give your kids an extra big hug when you’re back with them every evening 🙂 #HoneyBeeLinky

  12. November 27, 2017 / 1:47 pm

    It certainly is a rollercoaster ride this motherhood lark. I’m a stay at home mum at the moment and I’ve always dreamt of setting up my own business but I just don’t know how I would fit it all in! Perhaps I just need to get on with it and worry about the hows/whens as I go along. You have fitted so much in, you should be proud. #HoneybeeLinky

  13. November 27, 2017 / 3:45 pm

    This is such a great post, I’m lucky that I’ve never had to return to work after having my children, and once my youngest is in school I honestly don’t know how I would deal with it.

    • mebeingmummy
      January 26, 2018 / 11:09 pm

      Bless you, it will just be another step that you take in your stride, try not to worry about it and enjoy the time you have between now and then. Am so glad you enjoyed the post! Xx

  14. November 27, 2017 / 9:55 pm

    Good luck with going back to work lovely. I hope its all going well. It takes a bit of adjustment but it is nice to have some independence back. Hope you’re enjoying it x

  15. November 27, 2017 / 11:16 pm

    All the best going forwards. It sickens me that society still does not support women to be mums and have a career as much as it should. We have a lot to change, an awful lot

  16. November 28, 2017 / 11:35 am

    This is a beautiful heartfelt post and I remember these feelings very well. You’ll look back in a few months time and will realise things will have started to come together. Motherhood does change your outlook on life but you are stronger and wiser for it x #Honeybeelinky

    • mebeingmummy
      January 28, 2018 / 10:33 pm

      You’re so very right my lovely, hit the nail right on the head. Things always have a way of working out xxx

  17. November 28, 2017 / 10:12 pm

    Oh lovely I remember all this so well. It gets easier, well except from working with a lack of sleep. Some days I’m tempted to have a nap in my lunch just to get through the day. You’ll be a superstar! #HoneybeeLinky

    • mebeingmummy
      January 26, 2018 / 11:13 pm

      Thanks for having my back lovely! Am adjusting to it all pretty well now, it was just a case of getting used to the juggling of the diary and then standing on my feet at work all day after spending a LOT of time on the sofa having snuggles. Lol! A nap at lunchtime is always a good idea! Xxx

  18. November 30, 2017 / 6:22 am

    Loved it and felt every word you wrote. Though i am no longer working, i can relate to his so much as I used to work when my eldest was just 2 months up until my second pregnancy. It’s tough all around. But just know that you’re not alone and theres so many women in your shoes. And you should be so, very proud of this blog and your boys! #honeybeelinky

    • mebeingmummy
      January 28, 2018 / 10:30 pm

      Awww, Sumra, thank you so much. Wow?! You went to work when your eldest was just 2 months?! That takes balls! I was only just managing to make toast by that point. Felt like an achievement to just brush my hair if my memory serves me correctly haha! xxx

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