I have been trying to find the right words for this post for a while now. I have so many thoughts and feelings coursing through this heavily pregnant and weary body of mine, mixed in with a shit load of hormones and a fair amount of sleep deprivation induced delirium, so you shall have to bear with me and hopefully understand what I am trying to articulate. I even merged it with my weekly pregnancy update video to try and help with things!
When I was young, having a baby was the one thing I wanted to do in life. I have mentioned before that whilst others were dressing up as princesses or playing at being a bride, I was always pushing a pram with a doll (sometimes even an unsure looking cat!) and busying myself in a play house cooking dinner and fluffing up pillows. And then, as an adolescent, I wanted the same things but for deeper reasons than the fact I wanted to fluff pillows! A home and a family became a real desire. My own home broke when I was in my 20s, quite late considering most divorces happen in childhood. As with most cases, the divorce was for the best… very overdue to be honest. But, upon seeing the damage caused to my family through adult eyes, along with having to let go of our family home when it was sold, my determination to have and create a stable unit for myself and my future children was greater than ever.
As far as I know, so far I have succeeded in my quest. I met this guy, who became a good friend, who then became the love of my life. We made a home together. And we continue to have each other. Yes, we bicker and row, usually from over tiredness and about the usual stresses that come from the responsibilities of being adults and parents. But, despite the days where we don’t like each other much, we always know that we love each other and that we have our family…. all 2 cats, one toddler and one bump of them! And I am grateful to have them…. so grateful.
On a personal level though, I can see that there are so many complications that the little girl in that play house, nor that the younger woman in her 20’s hugging her bedroom wall goodbye for that final time, just didn’t factor in about adulthood, motherhood and family life. How could she… she had no real clue of the reality, only the dreams in her head. Reality is completely different and has a way of sending you crashing back to earth with a bump… literally… as I sit here typing, my 32 week baby bump is perched on my lap!
I’ve actually attempted to list these complications in this week’s pregnancy update video. It’s longer than my usual updates, but I needed to talk it all out…. which I have… and did… twice. This was the second version, in the first my emotions got the better of me just a few minutes in and I had to stop to get rid of all the tears and snot! I’d have happily uploaded that version but for the fact I was unconsolable! It was good to let it all out though, and made way for this more concise version!
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