Me , Being Mummy : Week 40 – Love and Self Preservation

I know Valentine’s day is seen as a bit of a cheesy, hallmark enforced sometimes slightly grating holiday for many people, and in truth, I’ve never really found myself investing much time in it either. But last week it was lovely to take a moment to cherish one another, and coming downstairs to a pretty heart shaped balloon and card made me feel all toasty in side.
Speaking of toasty,  we have a log burner in our living room which has been being used in full swing this week. What is it about seeing actual fire + wood + crackling of said wood that immediately makes you feel all snuggly and cosy? I must admit, I do find myself getting a bit nervous from time to time, especially when PB opens the little glass hatch/door and prods about with a heavy looking set of metal tongs. I envisage the whole house going up in flames whilst we stand on the pavement in pj’s and silly slippers, shock and horror all over our faces. At these times, I switch the radiators on and keep a big glass of water beside me!
We are going to have to purchase a fire guard soon as a certain little person is starting to up the anti with regards to moving from place to place. I’ve had several moments this week where I have put him down in one position/spot, carried out a chore on the to do list and upon coming back, found him in a completely different place with a look of triumph on his face.
This whole moving about thing fills me with absolute dread. By all means, it’s fantastic that he is on the move and confirms to me that he will indeed be a fully self functional human being in years to come (as opposed to still laying in front of Cbeebies with a rusk at the age of 18) but it also makes me look about the place and just see hazard after blood curdling hazard. Only this evening, I was sat making a mental list of all the things we would need to either reposition or dispose of in order to make things ‘safe’. I’d just resolved to get rid of all our furniture and live in a padded utopia with foam furniture and a phone charger point in the ceiling when PB turned to me and said ‘let’s just look at getting a fire guard and a play pen?’. My hero!
Additional information and findings from this week :

– I bought a lamp when we moved house and it looked a perfect size in the shop but it seems to have grown to double it’s size since we’ve had it. I have no idea where to put it and it is currently taking up half my desk and looking like an awkward guest in the corner of our bedroom.
– Juggling BB and my ever increasing work load is most possibly the biggest challenge I have faced so far in parenting. I wish I could be happy with being a stay at home Mum but I can’t,  it just isn’t me, regardless of the fact that financially it is necessary for me to work anyway. I’m determined to be a good mum whilst maintaining and achieving my career goals. It’s hard, but hard work pays off right?
– We spent a night away and BB was left to have a sleepover with my Mum this weekend, the first night we have all parted since coming home from hospital together after his birth. Our good friends were married on Saturday so we took the opportunity to have some baby free fun and stayed over night in a lovely hotel as well. A fun day was had by all and there is nothing better for the soul than watching two people who are in love tie the knot. Warm and fuzzy feelings all round, as well as quite a few glasses of Prosecco!
– Being away for the night brought up an interesting debate for me; is it selfish to leave your children at home in order to go out and socialise? Does it mean you put them second? I waited for guilt to hit me when we arranged this weekend but it didn’t. It’s a boost to get out and let your hair down a bit, to enjoy occasions without having eyes in the back of your head and the weight of responsibility (and a baby) on your shoulders. It is nice to converse with friends without distraction or wandering thoughts. Its nice to get dressed up and not have the smell of powdered milk and encrusted puree on your clothes. BB also loved his time without us, having tea room adventures with his Nanny Nuts, Auntie Ada and cousins Olivia and Isaac. He appeared to not even know we had gone. Which makes me so happy! I feel it is healthy to encourage independence and trust in other people shouldering your responsibility. It helps your children (brace yourselves; this idea is controversial) be comfortable without having you with them all the time. It gives you a break and therefore you feel refreshed. If anything, you can’t wait to get back to them and its as though all your love is reaffirmed. The old saying of ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’ was proven when we returned home to hugs and smiles all round. BB didn’t feel abandoned and we felt like we had claimed a little bit of life back for ourselves for an evening. Selfish? No. Self preservation? Most definitely.

Love Grows Here 

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