As much as I love our little ball of Baby, having some time to myself is now relished as such a treat. A weird cocktail of emotions happen at the prospect of being on my own…. excitement, happiness, relief, guilt, anxiety…. you name it, it flits across the mind, and heart! It is a cocktail my system will get used to over the years, and one that I imagine lingers forever after having your children. I’m sure it only gains ingredients through time as opposed to losing them!
PB has taken Baby out for the day and so I am sat here on the sofa, writing away uninterrupted with a packet of digestives and the TV on low for company. What struck me as funny, and urged me to write this post, is that without realising it, I have been absentmindedly rocking an empty baby bouncer for a good 10 minutes with my foot. As much as you think you can switch off ‘Being Mummy’ and be ‘Just you’, it obviously doesn’t leave you completely.
I had so many ideas of what I wanted to do with this ‘me time’ that it was pretty daunting to know where to start. I wanted to blog, vlog, organise drawers and cupboards, do the housework, pamper myself.. FINALLY get to shave my legs!! ‘Rest is for wimps, I’m going to GET SHIT DONE’ was my initial thought, but then when they left at 9.15am, the duvet and the cats were beckoning me back to snooze. Which I did. Until 12.15pm. Despite setting two alarms. Which really pissed me off because it felt like time wasted. My ‘to do’ list still stretches out in my mind, urging me to ‘make the most’ of this precious amount of time where I can truly focus on whatever it is I’m doing. It’s like I get this pressure, I have to achieve all things that can’t be done with baby in tow. I start to panic that I will have missed the opportunity to complete projects, possibly even regret wasting the time later on in the day when I am elbow deep in nappies and regurgitated milk again. But then, I remember what this time is actually for. Rest. Which is what I have done in bed all morning and continue to do via moving camp to the sofa. I am writing my blogs and focussing on reading others and catching up with Youtube videos and such like, so really, I call that a success.
|WINNIE SETS A GOOD EXAMPLE ON HOW TO RECLINE AND DO SOD ALL.|
The housework can wait, Baby always likes to watch me bustle about with that anyway. Dinner can be an easy ‘Leave in the oven’ option and I don’t need to pamper my body with lotions and potions to feel pampered… I’ve showered, washed my hair and moisturised my face, that feels like the equivalent of a weekend retreat to be honest! I’ve also realised that shaving my legs in winter is actually pretty pointless, it’s nature’s thermal underwear!
‘Me Time’ is just that, spending ‘Time’ with ‘Me’. No pressure to tick off boxes, no sense of failure if all I have managed to do is move from one room to another and maintain a horizontal stance for a grand total of 4 hours and 22 minutes. I now understand that it is simply embracing moments of just Being Me, instead of feeling the pressure that every moment has to be spent Being Mummy. And, that it’s ok to do so. No need for guilt. No need for panic. No need for disappointment in myself. No sense of failure. In fact, it’s healthy to take time for oneself and chill out a bit.
After all, we aren’t called human doings, are we?