Me, Being Mummy: Week 8


Hi Guys!

It is gone midnight, I have drunk a massive mug of hot chocolate which tasted lovely but has left me fighting off sleep due to the fact I am a prat and forgot that warm milky drinks actually prevent you from staying awake (my bad), and I am waiting for my little bundle of joy to wake up for his late night feed because there is no point in going to bed for just half an hour…. that’s if he wakes up in half and hour. If he stays asleep until 2am I will be kicking myself.

Such is the conundrum of feeding on demand and having your world revolve a tiny being, the clock and a box of milk powder!

Anyway, in an attempt to keep sleep at bay (my baby brain will not permit me to count sheep… not to mention I was shit at maths BEFORE having a baby) I am writing this week’s blog post! Don’t tell the Bride is on as back ground noise (silence is not golden for me) and the cat is softly snoring next to me on the sofa (lucky thing!).

This week we have been little social butterflies. Lots of visiting and socialising going on which has been really lovely. We’ve had birthday parties, BBQ’s, picnics and meals out to enjoy, and Paulibear hasn’t been booked for any shifts for the best part of the next two weeks so there is almost a holiday vibe to things at the moment. Especially with this amazing weather we’ve been given!

NOTE: What is it about glorious sunshine that just makes everything in life so much better? People smile! And act nicer to one another! I got achey cheeks from smiling so much at people in our local CO OP. Its bizarre. I know Gene Kelly seemed pretty happy dancing about all tippy toed and sing song-ing it in the rain, but he must have not really liked the sun that much. It has been beautiful!

I wish I could say that I was very organised and aimed to be off on maternity leave this time of year but it really was just pure luck. I feel for anyone tackling the winter elements with a newborn. It already takes me an hour and planning that verges on OCD in order to get out of the house with all the stuff needed to function ‘out and about’ with Teddy – and thats without having to factor in layers of scarves, coats, socks and boots whilst battling through icy winds and frosty pavements. I keep trying to cut down on the stuff I pack in the baby bag but I have this little voice that squeaks the phrase ‘But…What if??’ at me all the time!

Muslins for example. My rational self says, just take one, it’ll be more than enough. Before I know it, in steps the squeaky voice of irrationality saying ‘But… What if he drinks his milk, then has reflux and brings it all back up again… twice. Or what if he suddenly develops a bug and projectile vomits across the dinner table… in public…. and you don’t have enough muslins to stem the flow??’

I end up packing 3.

Despite my over zealous packing and apparent obsession with muslins, I’ve really relaxed into taking Baby Bear out on my own now. It has been so nice seeing people, sitting in gardens with Pimms, eating chargrilled sausages and burgers and feeling the sun on my face. Apart from yesterday as I managed to feel the sun on my face so well that I now appear to resemble Rudolph. It turns out that Sudocrem isn’t just a miracle cream for nappy rash…. I plastered it all over my face to soothe the burning sensation from the sun exposure and it worked a treat! I looked completely ridiculous, but my skin felt very soothed. I swear, that stuff is a wonder cream! I reckon it could fix just about anything. If the world was ending and apocalyptic zombies were stalking you for their supper… just take some Sudocrem with you. You’d be totally safe!

I am starting to feel a bit panicked though. Baby Bear is over two months old now and I am STILL trying to visit and introduce him to everyone. I panic that I have overlooked someone or that I will be turning round to a friend on Teddy’s 18th birthday going ‘Oh?! You haven’t met my son yet have you? This is Teddy…..’ I honestly thought that maternity leave would be dull, lonely and boring…. but luckily, it has been the complete opposite! There are times when I have been staying in due to the weather being a bit too hot to expose Teddy to the elements and all I have had for company is the Jeremy Kyle show and Countdown but I try to embrace those sorts of days for their calmness and take the opportunity to wear my slouchy clothes, leave the face makeup free and take naps on the sofa when Teddy is doing the same in his bouncy chair. There’s nothing like the maths round in Countdown to get the eye lids heavy enough for slumber!

The biggest event this week in little Bear’s life was his 8 weeks injections. I had heard a lot about this dreaded appointment, not to mention I have a very vague recollection of having some jabs when I was a youngster and I still remember being completely unprepared for the stinging shock of the needle hitting my thigh. The nurse who took our appointment was very Hattie Jacques in Carry on Matron, not a softness to be found anywhere… even her shirt collar looked razor sharp to me. Poor Teddy was snuggled and warm in his pram, and I had to hoof him out and hold him on my lap, whilst she administered the first jollop into his mouth (for protection against Vomiting and Diarrhoea…. ironically with potential side effects of – wait for it……. VOMITING AND DIARRHOEA. Go figure that one) and then I was asked to undo his sleepsuit and give access to his legs.

Paulibear was chatting to ‘Matron’ about something or another… and she was responding to both of us… as if I was actually listening. I really wasn’t. I could see her mouth moving but other than that ya got me on whatever she was waffling about. Thank goodness Paulibear was doing the talking because otherwise I would have come across as either rude or mute. And for anyone who knows me… silence is not really something I achieve very often.

The reason I lost all sense of speech was because I had clocked the injections she was about to puncture our son’s legs with. They were huge!! I had been expecting (near on hoping for) little baby needles…. ya know, the size of a very thick hair maybe. Ha! Nope. They were adult sized! I was so transfixed, I forgot to look away and actually saw the first one enter Teddy’s little ‘chicken thigh’ as we call them, and within a millisecond he was screaming, turning beetroot red, crying real tears and turning to nuzzle into my chest as an attempt to escape from this nurse lady with the nasty sharp things.

Said nurse lady continued with the next one, all the while talking over the din that Baby Bear was making as if he was just the radio or something that someone had turned the volume up on, and before I knew it, she was pulling away from us and I reacted by standing up and turning away from her! Funny how your body does as your subconscious is bidding. Turning away and shielding Teddy struck me and my conscious mind as a complete over reaction, but my subconcsious, irrational and strongly hormonal side of self was instantly relieved. As was Teddy…. who proceeded to calm down, return to a normal colour, suck on his nub nubs (aka dummy) and promptly fill his nappy with what can only be described as the biggest and most explosive bowel movement I have ever experienced. I’ve heard that can happen post traumatically – hence the term ‘I nearly shit myself’. It appears the same goes for babies.

He must have been petrified. Trust me, I was the one who had to change him….

Additional information and findings from the last week:

– Juggling a baby bag, hand bag, car keys, phone, heavy car seat and a near on 11.5lb baby inside said car seat will result on at least one of these items crashing to the floor with potentially horrifying consequences. Mine was my phone (luckily not the baby!) which smashed itself against the curb and shattered its screen, rendering it completely unable to function. Which brings me to my next point….
– Phone insurance is bloody fantastic! I know it is expensive but then all insurance is. But the chances of dropping your phone is (hopefully!) higher than a car accident or being burgled and I am so glad I had mine as they replaced mine with a brand new one within 24 hours and only charged me £25 call out charge. Which, again, brings me to my next point…. 
– Not having a mobile phone for a day is weird and strangely liberating but at some points scary. Weird because you suddenly realise just how much you reach for the blasted thing. Liberating because you notice how much you soak up from your surroundings that actually gets missed whilst using a phone day in day out. But then scary because you also become aware of the fact that people can’t contact you if they need to and vice versa, you can’t reach them either. I almost hugged the delivery driver when he gave me the new one. If I had needed to tip him the same amount of £’s as the amount of thank you’s I bestowed upon him, he probably could have retired. 
– Baby Bear has his very own rocking horse named Coco due to the love and generosity shown by two of our lovely friends. Obviously he doesn’t even know where his nose is at the moment so this amazing addition to our family hasn’t really registered with him yet…. but I can;t say the same for his parents. We are SO delighted and excited about it! We’ve had to fight the urge to sit on it ourselves or even try it out using one of the cats as a jockey! One day, I can just imagine Teddy having a whale of a time on it. Until then, it is happily chilling out in the corner of the living room. It gives us all, including the fish in the fish tank, something lovely to look at. 
– I’ve got my first period since having Baby Bear. GO Team Womb!! Yeah!
– Getting the first cycle out of the way after having a baby is very strange. I felt my ovulation happening and it was so painful I actually had to take painkillers and get Paulibear to rub my lower back (very de ja vu from when I was in labour which made us laugh) and I have been so hormonal that the poor sod has been tip toeing round me like I am a bear with a sore head/womb. I’ll be right as rain one minute then the next I am full of rage and ranting a load of angry waffle before finishing the whole episode with a bout of snotty, mascara streaked tears and an exclamation of ‘And my period isn’t helping things either!’. Paulibear just lets me be…. and makes us dinner. 

Myself, Teddy and Coco the Rocking horse. Note how I am trying to discreetly creep up onto the saddle behind Teddy! Can you mimic a rising trot on a rocking horse?? 

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