This week I haven’t much to write really. Not because we haven’t been doing much… in fact, this week has been pretty hectic. No, it’s more that I am very tired and can’t really find anything to mention without seeming like a complete drag!
Tiredness is funny. Everyone says they’re tired. Especially this time of year, getting ready for Christmas means we are all cramming a lot into the days and even into the nights as well. But I find that, just when you think you can’t possibly be any more tired, something else crops up to be juggled and you step up to find that, oh yes, there is indeed another level of knackered. It’s like a really shitty computer game where you just keep going up and up in levels of difficult. You think you’ve reached the peak and then boom, you find out you were actually on beginner or intermediate and hard has only just begun. That has been me this week after going back to work and juggling it alongside motherhood.
I have dates coming out of my arse… work dates, non work dates, hospital appointments for PB, Christmas work dos and small windows of time for Christmas shopping. I even have a sodding date planned for seeing Santa! Which should be nice but I’m so sick of looking at my diary that even writing that one in had me heaving a sigh of exhaustion.
It’s not Santa’s fault. Nor is it even a bad thing as I am actually looking forward to it. I am simply adjusting to a whole new schedule and lifestyle. Slowly… but surely.
I have done exactly what I hate to do and dropped the ball with my blog a bit the past couple of weeks. What you’ve just read is the beginning of week 16’s update that went unfinished because I was too tired to complete it. I suppose I could have possibly published it last Monday instead but it felt out of place and against tradition to do that.
And this week? This week I am writing it but it shall be going up later than 6pm… which is the time I always schedule my posts to be published for. See?! Am dropping the ball. Balls are dropping all over the place! (Complete euphemism, our boys are a long way from puberty!).
I get like this sometimes. Just overwhelmed by all I need to do so it means that I close off and shut down, rendering me pretty useless at doing anything. Having said that, I have actually been busy this week. Both boys have had colds so I have been trying to strike that impossible balance between helping them rest and be chilled out at home whilst getting them out and into doing things that haven’t involved too much of being outside in the cold and damp weather.
So, lots of soft play this past week! Although Teddy has been super sensitive and tearful most days, having meltdowns at the slightest thing and lashing out at George from time to time as well… which has taken me by surprise as that really isn’t his way.
Perhaps it’s the illness, perhaps it’s developmental. Perhaps it’s the fact I’m away from them for a couple of days each week now for work and they’re adjusting too? I have literally made myself dizzy with it all and have resigned myself to the fact that I shall never truly know what is happening and that the best thing to do is just be there to step in and offer the right kind of support and discipline when it is needed. But I honestly feel like I am driving with my eyes closed or something!
I am enjoying most aspects of my new job as a senior hairstylist. The team I’m working with are all very nice and the salon is really lovely. I am just finding it hard to adjust to having a boss. It sounds so full myself, but I really am a bit crap at being an employee. Not because I am a bad team player or because I am lapse with my work ethic. I work really hard and apply myself to everything.
It’s things like lunch breaks. I can’t relax into a lunch break when I feel pressured to keep watching the clock in order to make sure I haven’t gone over the allotted hour. Rotas are in place. If you run over and can’t make the time back then poof! You don’t get it back. I’m not allowed my phone on me as it looks unprofessional but it was funny the other day as a client offered for me to take a picture of a hairstyle I had created and I had to explain that we aren’t allowed them on the shop floor. She said it was ridiculous. And it is. It’s almost 2018. Every man and his dog has a phone?! It’s almost unprofessional not to have your phone to hand.
I understand why the rules are in place. Structure is key, professionalism too. It’s all there to stop the piss takers from pushing boundaries. I get it. But it does suck to have to adhere to the same rules when you wouldn’t be a piss taker if that makes sense? I use my phone to check the time as a watch gets wet or prone to damage as a hairstylist. I’d use the salon clock but it’s wrong! Ha!
Plus, as a mum, I like to have my phone to hand so I know I can be reached directly if there was an emergency. Or sometimes PB will send me little pictures and videos of the boys to make me smile.
I dunno. I have just been my own boss for almost a decade, so going back to being an employee is an adjustment. As it being on my feet all day… that has been a challenge!
We also had our house inspection with our letting agent this week, and so I found myself weeding our front garden and sweeping the back garden as well as cleaning the house from top to bottom in order to show that we don’t live like heathens (much) and have maintained our rented house to a high standard (mostly… apart from a broken towel rail).
Everything was ticked off with approval, but we have been informed that the house we are in shall be being put on the market for sale early next year. So, we shall be moving around February/March time by the looks of things.
I love our house. I’m not ready to leave. Not only because the idea of moving with two little boys and all our stuff is terrifying, but also because I love the home we have created. The garden is a challenge, and we have a steep wooden stair case that I’ve had the misfortune of falling down once. But, apart from that, I love it to bits.
It will all work out though. I’m excited for new adventures and have a secret obsession with Rightmove as a hobby, so actually being on it to shop for a home instead of just window shopping will be fun! And ultimately, my home is my family. Wherever we are, together, is home. All will be fine.
That is pretty much what has been going on the past couple of weeks and I shall endeavour to not drop any more balls! I wanted to tell you all about today as we went to Springbarn Farm near Lewes today for their Santa Experience, but I have dinner in the oven and an 8 month old who we are trying to cajole out of co sleeping as of tonight.
Basically, it was the usual anti climactic experience that it always ends up being when you have really little children. Baby George just looked puzzled, Teddy knew who Santa was but cling to me throughout and I spent the whole time thinking how amazingly hot it can’t get in a wooden shed that is decked out to look like Santa’s living room. The fact I had a woolly hat, scarf and leather jacket on probably didn’t help too to be honest!
The Santa himself was bloody amazing though, really personable and full of lovely tales about how the love and goodness in our hearts is the most important thing of all. I’d say that’s a pretty good lesson to focus on right now…. even as a grown up.